I've been here before.This moment is filled with emotions i've taken part in a time long ago. Family, friends, the complications of love and the challenge of finding our own unchartered path in life have in more ways than one, brought me full circle.
Im in search of some identity, i'm a blank storybook with many pages to fill. I believe in the fine line between destiny and the reality of here and now. At some point we all have to wake up from our peaceful dream to realise our goals need a review.
Thats why this moment seems so familiar, like a song on replay, or movie revisited years ago. You just know you've been in this moment before. For better or for worse... this moment has defined me for the greatest amount of time in my LIFE.
The irony of the moment is that on the eve of my 26th birthday I am busier than at any other time in my life.
All those times I promised myself I’d change in the past have remarkably become the life I now live.
I can recall the constant promise of movement in my life. I got my laptop in 2008. That’s 4 years of promising crap and truly thinking I’d change.
My 25th year through to my 26th has been an awakening. It has shown me life is a maze of dominos. As one falls, they all fall.
I work in design.
I can complain all I want but at the end of the day I’m spending my hours creating a form of art, simulating my brain.
Decisions and criticism at work have no doubt shaped the my self-confidence and belief in my design abilities.
I could easily be working as an afternoon shift worker, stocking shelves at a supermarket or worse, riding the unemployment line like I did so proudly for the past 5 years.
I own a GOLF GTI.
Just WOW. If any material possession can be the definitive indicator of my success throughout the year its that I have in my possession my dream car.
Without my growth and maturity towards both my finances this never would’ve happened.
I remember making up a mental list of all the cars I thought I could afford. This car was there albeit at the very top of the list. The other cars were half the price. Maybe is it as everyone says it is, a large financially crippling decision.
Or maybe when I walk out in the garage, hit the unlock button on the keyfob, get in and start the engine, I smile and don’t quite know why.
Maybe because its one of the greatest thing to happen to my recently miserable life.
But you know what has been the greatest thing to happen to me in the past year?
It’s Gemma Jordan.
Little did I know that when we met my life would change as much as it has.
She was lost, I was lost. We found each other and we found love.
This girl has shown me how to look at life with a smile. I no longer wish pain and suffering on others. I no longer sit and wait for the things I want in life. I no longer look into the darkness ahead alone.
She allows me to be the weird man I am, she embraces it and adores it. How could be so lucky to find someone as beautiful, as intelligent, as kind, as strong, as forgiving as her and handle my horribly mean and sometimes downright heartbreakingly negative attitude towards life.
She’s the strongest person I know. She glides with through life with a grace which is only an illusion of the pain she sometimes feels inside.
I have her in my heart, where she will be… for the rest of my life.
I walk head up shouders strong into the 26th year of my life with true optimism.
I smile at the pain of yesterday knowing its exactly that, yesterday.
Today I fight, tomorrow I will fight and next the week you’ll be amazed to know… I will still be fighting.
I am Andrew Li.
I am happy , I am proud I am everything I never thought I could be…until now.
Listening to m83- midnight souls still remain and thinking of her. This whole direction i’ve found in life culminated in her arrival in my life. I’ve quickly come to realise how big of a role she plays in my life. The laughter, the smiles, the arguments and the cycle it seems to follow provides me a more vivid understanding of how great we are together. I now know what love looks like and feels like.
It’s what i’m living in right now.
Every new year comes the promise and hope that “life” will somewhat start from this new fresh date.
my journey in 2012 was one of prolific change. a realisation of all my hearts desires. i learnt above everything else to clam down and simply choose the path which presents the most logical fear and promise of new beginnings. not assured endings.
Life is not here for us to simply predict the end. It is here so we can make a start on all the things we consider simply unattainable. whatever else happens in between simply happens. ive learnt that its pointless and quite frustrating trying to piece it together. little did i know that its the magic of it. these moments when properly appreciated are the one we will forever keep in our lives. the ones we replay with no other attachments other than the one we took in at the time.
I can truly say im looking forward to what this year will bring forth. I’m more than ready for the challenge ahead. the pain, the joy the fear. i take it all in with the most open of arms.
The one line to remember for 2013.
"We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it"
Where in the hell am I? i cant believe its only been 5 months since i started work. So much as happened, so much has changed. My life has been flipped around in this little space of time. A job I absolutely love, a car i’ve been dreaming of for such a long time and finally a girl… that has intrigued me and scared me for seems to be the longest time. I am living and breathing my own dream at this interval in my life. I didn’t even realise it but i’ve been moving with the crowd I always envied.
I’ve been thinking about how lucky I am to be in such a position in my life. Too have great family and friends, great support and great oppuntunities. But maybe i’m just living up too my potential. Or have I made it too my full potential. Now that the ball is rolling I feel as though I can reach any goal. any desire. any dream.
I’m looking forward to the year 2013 and everything it entails. I’m living and breathing this drug called LIFE. May I be back in due time with no less than more…
TIME & the fight for LIFE || LIFE & the fight for TIME
I’m at an age and place in my life where i’ve been progressively thinking more and more about TIME. What is all means and how it all feels too be in a certain place, at a certain time for a moment which will be remembered in rich detail in years to come. I’ve seen so much change in my life in the past 3 months. The defining word to describe my past 3 months is TIME. I’ve had too give my time to someone else. I’ve lost most of it because i’m now apart of that race we all forced to enter at some time in our lives. That race is LIFE. I’m living for the first time in 25 years and with something as profound as that you always seem to feel as if your losing a bit of your soul every morning you get at 7:30am and lumber to the bathroom. I feel as though i’m working to buy myself time. A mentality which is as absurd and it is true. I now have to work 11 months to have 1 month of “my time” each year. I find myself prioritising time down to the hour now. I have a schedule which I follow religiously. Just as I have to work 11 months to gain 1 month I now condense my schedule is such a way that sundays can be a day of nothing. A day to catch up on sleep, creative thoughts and mindless hours of just plain boring fun. I give 6 days a week to my work, family and friends. Sunday is just me. I dedicate sundays to just put hours of the album leaf, driving, photography, shopping, eating and time to breathe. Because in 5 years time i’ll look back at when I was 25 and i’ll think of so many things. Things I did right,things I did wrong. What I have discovered about LIFE in the past 3 months is that every conscious decision you make too improve your life “schedule” will only free up more TIME on sundays to live my life on my own terms. It’s the best part of my week..MY TIME
what is after all the equal oppunnitunity ive been given i come up short? its a question i must ask myself over and over and over agian. what if the feeling of “happiness” if not something i’m going to be able to have? it sucks but its the way I play the picture back in my head. i fear everything. i fear the regret of being so far from something I set my mind too as well as the fear of what to do with the moment once i finally achieve it. all together its a wonderfully scarred and difficult journey i’ve had to this point.